Those Baby Blues

Have been realizing lately certain things that I may miss out on when the little one comes. And more obviously, things I am already missing out on.

*Please don't take this as "Ugh stupid babies ruin everything!" It's just all of a sudden become painfully clear that with baby comes change. Even scarier to know that I am incapable of grasping how drastically different my life will become when the baby actually makes its appearance.

In the meantime, please allow me to vent just a smidge..

Trivial Quibble A: The Victoria's Secret catalog. 

I often flip through the 25 I get a week, see something I like, and mark it. Sometimes it arrives on my doorstep a week later. And apparently, though it is the middle of February, it's bathing suit season. I might cry. Not because aw I'm gonna be big and bloated and miserable in the dead of summer (even though ok let's face it I will), but because just that possibility of ordering what I want is no longer there. And Alessandra Ambrosio, who just had a child like 3 months ago, is smiling at me with her trim and toned body in this season's smallest suit. I will definitely not be wearing that suit. Nor will I fit into the supercute white jeans I bought from there last summer. I know you're thinking 'oh boo hoo poor you not being able to order some teeny bikini.' But you must realize that after years of not really thinking about it, I have become painfully aware of my body image. And the fact that that body will never be the same. I am ok with this, as the reward is infinitely greater than the costs, but I guess I'm just trying to explain that this is a whole new world for me. I especially realized that when one of Jon's old coworkers was like "Oh we can't wait to see what you look like with a belly and some meat on your bones!" I know exactly what she's thinking. haHA skinny woman! Just have a baby and we'll see how skinny you are! I have a feeling she'll be pleased.

Ridiculous Rant B: The Bachelorette Party. 

Just think about the general meaning of a bachelorette party: going out, drinking, dancing and ... well, partying. Though I've never been a huge drinker anyway, at these events I've participated. And you can't tell me the sight of a gyrating preggo belly wouldn't scare the crap out of you on a dance floor up in the club. Plus, it's a little harder to play fun party games while knocked up, most bars are too smoky for a fetus, and sorry girls - I think I'm out for a pole-dancing class (I mean, er, not that we'd plan something like that for a bachelorette party... ;)

Grouchy Gripe C: The Weddings. 

My sister-in-law is getting married in May, and I'm the matron of honor (yeah! shout-out to Jenna Mac / soon-to-be-Sorrells!). This means that I will somehow have to foresee the approximate protuberance of my bump and estimate an appropriate dress size. But anyone who's ever been in a wedding party knows that even under normal circumstances, guessing that size is like playing the lottery. Who knows what will fit. In addition, my attendance is frowned upon for events occurring in the last - oh - 3 to 4 weeks of pregnancy that are more than an hour away. Since some close friends are planning a wedding in the mountains at the beginning of August, it has come to my attention that I would probably be discouraged from going. Whatevs. Don't tell my doctor, but if this munchkin pops out 4 weeks early, it's gonna be a mountain baby...  ;)   **Obviously, I normally follow all advice given to me by a medical professional (like exercising daily, right?), but these may be extenuating circumstances. Desperate times, and all that. I mean it's only a couple days. ... Ok I just really want to go ...

Am I just complaining and being negative when I should really be doing a constant happy dance? Jon may be right. Ah, I'm gonna blame it on the hormones. And besides, I think I'm allowed to feel a little frustration about the trivial things. Perhaps that makes me shallow, but it doesn't mean I don't care more about the baby. 

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I promise to love you no matter what I have to give up or endure to have you, wee one (I'll try not to hold it or use it against you for the rest of your life .. haha just kidding). And here's a little secret in case I forget or try to complain: I wanted you more than I ever cared about that stuff, and I did it all willingly. Because I knew you'd be worth it. I know you won't ever let me forget that.  :)